(Love, Soraya)

Won't Be You

2011-12-27T19:14:00.000-08:00

It's her job to see it, and do it.
Not his to understand, but his to defend his own.
Is that why she never falls in love?

Once a jerk, always a jerk. Why is it so hard to remember that?
A scar all girls wear.

You don't find a solution with the problem.

She's going to leave you and this place forever soon.
And she will throw all this past away once and for all.

A Forever Of Facades

2011-08-31T16:49:00.000-07:00

It's a hard life out there,
Not knowing right from wrong,
Separating truth from lie,
Is a job full time.

Don't you wish someone out there,
One person,
Would make it easy for you, take it easy on you,
Just once,
Remove that defense?

When did your world go wrong,
When did the world go wrong,
That we have to rely on pain,
To feel something?

If we all have our masks,
On top of masks,
How can we even ask,
For real love?

If you don't let go,
Then I won't let go.

Well then,
Prepare for the hurt,
The loss of love,
And cheers to that forever,

A forever of facades.

Cruel Games

2011-08-20T20:26:00.000-07:00

Catch your lip with your teeth,
Think I can't see from beneath,
That cut that frames those eyes those lips,
God,
Always takes a stab and rips.
Yeah, ha,
Tease a laugh and smile,
I know you know,
It drives me wild.

All the fixings for the right dish,
You just can't help but switch,
Off and on,
Kashke vaghan boodi noe jadide Iran.

Wait,
Is it bad that I just admitted that?
Don't let the truth be hard to look at.
Trust me,
It really is a good thing.

That love of your life that can't materialize,
But can be.

I need it,

(Happy I said it out loud? You twisted mother f***er.)

That pulse keeps me alive.

The thrill you give,

That life-threatening high.

This isn't a story about the physical,
Knew I could twist your minds,
In and out from behind,
Bring you around to the front,
Let you know its a story about love,
That can't quite completely bind,
We never tick on the same time.

Just wanted you to hear how around,
To your wants,
You wrapped me and bound.

So wait,
One last time,
Let me indulge in this inconclusive bind,
I was never one able to deny life's highs...

Go ahead...

Catch your lip with your teeth.

Think I can't see from beneath,
That cut that frames those eyes those lips.

God.

Always takes a stab and rips.

Yeah,
Ha,
Tease a laugh and smile.

I know you know,
It drives me wild.

I Am Titanium

2011-08-19T14:33:00.000-07:00

"You don't fall in love easily,"
I know.

I've got my heart standing on its own,
In the middle of a swarm.
It'll always be lonely here,
Inside.
I mind.
It always has been, it always will be.
I don't know if there really is a you with a key.
I make it impossible to penetrate through all these layers of difficulty.
I run free and wild, I'm excessively picky,
I'm distrusting, I keep my distance emotionally.

I know though,
I can still make it with just me.

"You have a lot of power,"
I know.

To have and to hold power...

I am Titanium.

An Excerpt From 'Midnight In Paris'

2011-08-18T17:55:00.000-07:00

[ Please note, this is the first entry that is not written by me. Although, I loved it so much, I decided to post it up. ]

"All men fear death. It’s a natural fear that consumes us all. We fear death because we feel that we haven’t loved well enough or loved at all, which ultimately are one and the same. However, when you make love with a truly great woman, one that deserves the utmost respect in this world and one that makes you feel truly powerful, that fear of death completely disappears. Because when you are sharing your body and heart with a great woman the world fades away. You two are the only ones in the entire universe. You conquer what most lesser men have never conquered before, you have conquered a great woman’s heart, the most vulnerable thing she can offer to another. Death no longer lingers in the mind. Fear no longer clouds your heart. Only passion for living, and for loving, become your sole reality. This is no easy task for it takes insurmountable courage. But remember this, for that moment when you are making love with a woman of true greatness you will feel immortal."

- 'Midnight In Paris'

Listen Up

2011-08-09T17:41:00.000-07:00

Shut the fuck up,
For the love of all that is holy,
Just shut the fuck up.

You've made your bed,
Now lie in it.

Tears, blood, and sweat,
I finally called it quits.

Quitter, quitter,
Chicken dinner.

That shit isn't going to phase me,
I'm passed all that hazing.

If you knew what was good for you,
You'd leave me alone.

Forget all the untruths,
And get back to what you do.

Leave me out of it,
For good.

The Vow of An Artist

2011-07-29T15:57:00.000-07:00

In heartbreak I lie.

It will always feel,

Like I'm only halfway alive.

The perpetual chase of love,

That's the heart of an artist.

The perpetual feeling of loneliness,

That's the dilemma of an artist.

You probably don't understand,

But--

It's nothing to worry over,

Nothing to pity.

Doesn't mean we're going to drown.

It's just the way we've been programmed,

Just the way we yearn to live.

Doesn't mean we're in a continuous frown.

We live the drama of the heart,

The pursuit,

It's the essence of life;

Its purpose;

The ultimate work of art.

So, in heartbreak I'll forever lie,

No matter who or what it is or isn't I find.

For I am an artist,

And it's the absence of an ideal love,

That will always feel,

Like I'm only halfway alive.

Losing Hands

2011-07-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

(Written: 4/5 months ago, Edited: Today)
There you go again,
Stepping on my chest,
Reminding who's best.

Tears fill my breath,
Wish I was done,
'Cause I've got nothing left.

Gamble me gone,
I torment you, please.
Fold me 'cause you'll get another set,
Tell yourself,
You just ran bad with me.

It feels like I'm over you,
In the midst.
But I'm just in mourning,
The fact of our death,
Future's unfortunate twist...

...
...

Here,
I've reached the point where I can say,
That:

Never,
Will I rely on man again,
Who,
Vows to stay until the end.

Con-Trap-tion

2011-07-26T15:46:00.000-07:00

Just your presence alone,

You could have been sitting on my chest.

Just your name flashing on my phone,

You could have put my lungs under arrest.

It's these tortures I magically overlooked,

It's these distresses I spellbindingly mistook,

For a future you can only find in books.

It's the lack of strolls on the sidewalks,

It's the lack of lays by the pool,

It was the constant staring at the clock,

To reach the realization that I've been dating a tool.

Yeah, I said it.

You were a tool.

A tool that carved out my insides,

But the tool that brought me to this other side.

This life.

That necessary road to this path towards paradise.

Don't let that fool you, though,

You're still that modern tool- a complete idiot.

You know how I know that?

Because you never even realized it.

Inhale 1386

2011-07-26T13:48:00.000-07:00

The smell of smoke and heat,

Brings me back to us under the sheets.

Doesn't make sense, I know,

But it was only with you I let my heart go.

So cut me some slack when I say,

It's these strange things that take me to those days.

I wish I hadn't had my fingers slip,

From the only one that really gave a shit.

I wish I had the strength back then,

To be your captain and your God given.

Sadly, youth can be the mother and the killer,

Of the great dream fullfiller.

But I just want you to know,

That I know, now,

You were right when you said,

I won't be loved like this ever again.

Dare Me

2011-07-24T22:37:00.000-07:00

They roll off my tongue like daggers,
Don't mess with this bitch,
I leave behind cadavers.

There's nothing I can't fight,
Your love, your hate,
I won't quit until you die, me right.

Think there's a stopping point,
You're talking to the wrong miser,
A drop to the ground, I break joints.

Grow old, grow wiser,
It's winter even in the summer bitch,
Shit luck running into this schizer.

Truth Is My Retribution

2011-07-24T20:44:00.000-07:00

Tell me what was the difference when you told me I love you, but I don't need you?
What was it that made you want me, but abuse me?
Realize it's too late now for your guns,
The battle has been had and done,
You're just the one that never was.

Late nights, stressed fights,
If only I left sooner and saved my life.
Was it worth the struggle I put up through strife?
It's time to let go reliving the knives,
The battle has been had and done,
You're just the one that never was.

And if you only knew,
That I was never even in love with you.
You'd be christened the fool,
Throw yourself over that rooftop too.
Love is what happens when you become attached,
But you never had the strings of my heart,
And never will, alas.

[I have moved on, I will heal.

But you,

You will always be the bleeding wound,

To everyone you get close to.]

Herds

2010-12-25T20:04:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it just feels good to sit quiet in the middle of hundreds of bustling people.

Hold On For Dear Life

2010-01-04T20:08:00.000-08:00

I'm here at the wake of stability,
And it's my body that lays at the bottom of the tomb.
I hold attachment accountable for my murder.

You are not stable, attachment.
I can hold the grip, but never release the tension.
For I fear you will slip.

Yet, I still pray you will balance me, attachment.

Stablize me, attachment,
And we will both be free in happy.

(scroll to :30 in video, for beginning of song)

Disillusioned Ambitions

2009-07-24T01:59:00.000-07:00

You, out there, I plead for your words of guidance.

Draw for me the elements that make this life,

And show me how they connect to substantiate my futile efforts.

Is the continuum of my failed trials part of inevitable tribulations?

These tribulations, do they have any regard for my future?

Are they without conclusion?

Cool my neurosis: are my collapses universal?

You say there's a light at the end of the tunnel,

This light you speak so surely of, you are positive that it's not just you it burns for?

I'm frighteningly close to a hopeless ending; my light is burning out.

Even the flicker of a proven hope of ignition could give rise to a flame;

To, at least, feel the tease of confidence towards a meaningful purpose,

I can, then, delude myself to be in the constant pursuit of that viable fragment that I can label: a rewarded success.

2009-07-24T01:28:00.000-07:00

The heart is a confusing one.

Wondering, Hiding, Seeking, Down.

To link two hearts,

To establish two hearts in trust,

To harmonize two hearts in an understanding unison,

To make known definite eternity in each other's hearts,

To keep my heart pounding in positivity,

And yours with my love's reassurance,

It aches me wonder why there's so much strain to love.

2009-07-12T12:51:00.000-07:00

Love has created holes in my heart.

I knew fashion could have perforation, but if you would have told me love could cause the same thing to my heart, I would have never believed you.

Until, it actually happened.

Love, only if you dare.

2009-05-10T00:30:00.000-07:00

Love is my demise.
Depression
Weakness
Loneliness
Insecurities
Clouded judgment
Expectations
Isolation in company
Selfishness
Dependency
Loss of appetite
Saltwater floods
Mental instability
Fiery intensities
Addiction
heart failure.

Love is my high.
Air supply
Shelter
Selflessness
Support
Guidance
Enlightenment
Challenges
Attraction
Inseparability
Euphoria
Energy
Adventure
Excessive laughter
Fireworks
Rhythmic inconsistencies
heart failure.

2009-02-20T17:08:00.000-08:00

Where can I find solace?

When everywhere I turn I find loneliness,
Always in the most unforgiving and unchanging places.

The things that hurt the most,
have become the most numb.
I find myself creating the pain,
to make sure I'm human.

I'm alive and socially surrounded, but dead and alone.
If solace is such a great feat, what does that mean for the destiny of happiness?

Extinction.

2009-02-20T17:01:00.001-08:00

I have recently lost the capability of any kind of verbal, mental, or written expression. It will return soon.

2009-02-14T03:53:00.000-08:00

There is no need to define ourselves. We will be happier.

We do not judge ourselves. We do not label ourselves. What we do does not identify who we are. We each set our own precedents of right and wrong, of happy and unhappy. We do not restrict ourselves or who we are by creating patterns of the past.

Never be unhappy.
If I listen clearly and follow my heart, consistently and wholeheartedly without question, I will succeed in every way there can be to succeed.

To each his own. All around, and completely.

I'm lifting my voice, high. Because it releases, it heals, and it makes me happy. Shame has no place here.

2009-02-14T02:01:00.001-08:00

I am not here solely to make you feel good about yourself. This is a two-way road.

You want me to be here for you, but let you be completely free to do you exactly what you want how you want. Without the painstaking worry, the annoying thought process of its consequences to my well-being.

This is not the way to live. Give it a shot at it alone; with no one relying on your word(s); no responsibilities to anyone but yourself.

This is a two-way road. You want "an us", there's uncomfortable, unsettling efforts to be made. I am not your praising audience, I'm your partner. I'll give you praise, I'll be your audience, but I've run on my love for you for too long. You've sucked me almost dry. Giving me nothing more, I try to find other ways to supply myself still. Analyze, problem solve. Analyze, problem solve. Nothing. Again, and again. Just headache and constant self-torture.

Give me what I need. Give what I give. If you can't do it, worse- If you don't want to do it.... problem solve.

But, wait, I am not saying I am free of fault. I know, I have my own discrepancies.
I just want to be in the know. You hate predicting, you hate planning. I hate being on edge for my next move, I hate being surprised. Just keep me in the know.

2009-02-13T21:58:00.000-08:00

"[You can't do this, you can't just give up.]
Life is hard and it's full of pain and what-not,
but we take it cause there's great stuff too.
And we can do it cause we have friends
[-because we have each other]." -The Wackness

I want to love life.

2009-02-13T18:09:00.000-08:00

Louden the music. Please. I'm pleading, deafen my thoughts. Movement, song, anything to occupy my mind elsewhere.

My sensitivity lacks objectivity. I wish your innate feelings for me could put that into consideration prior to these consequences.

The fun and games in the emotional manipulation has faded, a very long time ago. When I realized it's not just in the fun and the games, it's also in your unpremeditated nature.

Don't soften the blow, don't do anything.

2009-02-13T15:27:00.000-08:00

"i am awed and intoxicated by the power your vulnerability grants me…"

I want to own, and to be owned.
If only what I want, what I long for, could finally become a reality.

"Own me, said she. As if you had a choice, said he."
E., you keep me brimming with inspiration. Fearing true intimacy, you keep me close to my emotions.

2009-02-12T23:14:00.001-08:00

Ultimately, it's your decision. No matter which way I may sway you, it's all you.

I honestly don't care about Valentine's Day. The romantic in me is ironically not cliche.

I honestly don't care how long you want or need to stay. Ok, maybe the want could have certain variables to spike a difference in my emotions.

I care about you making a plan, saying it aloud, meaning it, and sticking to it no matter what. Exceptions have turned from the rarities they are defined to be into casual constant excuses.

But in the end, that is still your decision as well.